Two Rules That Make
You Happy
What determines your happiness?
Does someone else decide how happy you are? Is your happiness predetermined and
out of your control? Does luck have anything to do with it?
The happiness business is big business: drugs, alcohol, gambling, overeating and
other bad habits are based on our need for happiness. Unfortunately, these
"solutions" become bigger problems and make us unhappier.
Many people give up on the idea that they can be happy. They say things like,
"Anyone who tells you they're happy is lying." "I'd be happy if I had a better
_____ (spouse, job, body, house, income, parent, child, boss, employee)." "Life
stinks and then you die."
Yet because you are reading this article, you know something can be done about
it. You know you have the power to make yourself happier.
You control the amount of joy in your life. You control it based on how well you
follow these two rules:
"One: Be able to experience anything.
"Two: Cause only those things which others are able to experience easily." -- L.
Ron Hubbard from
Scientology: A New Slant on Life.
Rule One
To follow this rule, you become willing for ANYTHING to happen to you. You can
face it and experience it.
For example, someone yells at you and you can take it. You don't want people
yelling at you, but you can deal with it. You are not afraid of being yelled at.
Because you can experience people yelling at you, you'll still be happy whenever
it happens.
A few years ago, a California fire alarm salesman was terrified of his house
catching on fire. He worked out escape plans, installed fire sprinklers in his
house and installed the latest fire alarms. He talked about fire so often his
seven-year-old became fascinated with matches.
Naturally, his son started a fire, the sprinklers didn't work and the house
burned to the ground. Luckily, no one was hurt.
After getting over the shock, the fire alarm salesman started laughing. "Even
though I did everything I could think of to prevent fire, I ended up causing a
fire with my fear. It turns out it's not so bad! The house burned and we're
okay!"
After that, the idea of his house burning down no longer made him unhappy. He
could experience it.
"To be happy, one only must be able to confront, which is to say, experience
those things that are." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Anything you cannot experience or confront will make you unhappy. So reversely,
learning to face reality is the first rule for being happy.
For example, to do your job you need to give presentations to a group of people.
However, you hate speaking to groups. You make up excuses and avoid this part of
your job until you get fired.
If instead you face the music and give the talks, despite your fear, you are
able to experience. You confront the job and feel happy.
Rule Two
To only cause things which others can easily experience means you need to pay
attention to other people. Everyone experiences things differently.
For example, your colorful language offends your mother, but makes your friend
laugh. Spending the day at a shopping mall is a joy for your daughter, but a
boring waste of time for your son. Your views about politics enrage your
father-in-law, but inspire your neighbor.
To be happy, you can't have attitudes like these: "I say whatever I want to
anyone I want." "If you don't like what I do, that's your problem." "It's
dishonest to not say how I feel."
If you don't care about other people's happiness, the people around you will
eventually not care about your happiness either. Everyone is unhappy.
"If you examine your life, you will find you are bothered only by those
actions a person did which others were not able to receive." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, if you punch someone in the mouth during a boxing match, neither of
you are bothered. However, if you punch your friend in the mouth during an
argument, your friend cannot easily experience the punch and you are both
unhappy.
"To create only those effects which others could easily experience gives us a
clean new rule of living." -- L. Ron Hubbard
If you break this rule, you create enemies. If you follow this rule, your work
relationships, marriage and friendships all thrive. The rule requires you to
notice what people can easily experience.
For example, you notice your spouse cannot easily experience your constant
complaining about your work. You realize it does not help you to complain to
her. You stop complaining and your spouse seems more cheerful. You feel happier.
The rule worked.
Judgment
You may think this second rule means you can't demand good performance from
employees or correct your children.
For example, "My employees can't easily experience hard work, so I'll be soft on
them."
However, high productivity boosts morale. Laziness ruins production, lowers
morale and ruins your company. A bankrupt company is difficult for anyone to
experience!
So you learn to demand good performance while being cheerful and everyone is
productive and happy.
Children may not like eating their meals or brushing their teeth, but poor
health or tooth pain is much more difficult to experience. You learn to get your
kids to do what they should without anger or threats.
Use your judgment.
Planning
Use the two rules for happy living in your planning.
For example, you need to resolve a conflict with your business partner. To
resolve the disagreement, you can either A.) Threaten to sue if you don't get
your way, or B.) Find and work toward mutual goals. You plan to use the second
choice as it is easier for both of you to experience.
Business owners and managers earn a bad reputation when they cause effects
others cannot easily experience. For example, you own a business and discover
your monthly payroll amount is too high. You can either A.) Fire 20% of your
employees, or B.) Promise they can keep their jobs if the business income
increases by 20%.
Which is easier for your employees to experience? Which will make you happiest
in the long run?
The two rules for happy living are powerful marriage rules. For example, if you
learn to experience ANYTHING your spouse does, how can he or she make you
unhappy? Additionally, if you ONLY do or say things your spouse can EASILY
experience, how will you both feel?
Four Recommendations for a Happier Life
Make four lists to make yourself much happier this week.
1. Write down everything that was hard for you to experience last week.
2. Write what you can do to more easily experience these things this week.
3. List out what you did or said last week that others could not easily
experience.
4. Write down how you can accomplish next week's goals while causing effects
others can easily experience.
Additional Idea: Imagine what would happen if you spent all day causing effects
others enjoyed.
Why not?
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