Gift
Giving
As a child, were you given a gift and then ordered not to touch it? Were some of
your possessions under someone else's control? Are some of your current
possessions not really yours?
L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his book, Child Dianetics*:
"When you give a child something, it's his. It's not still yours. Clothes,
toys, quarters, what he has been given, must remain under his exclusive control.
So he tears up his shirt, wrecks his bed, breaks his fire engine. It's none of
your business. How would you like to have somebody give you a Christmas present
and then tell you, day after day thereafter, what you are to do with it and even
punish you if you failed to care for it the way the donor thinks? You'd wreck
that donor and ruin that present. You know you would. The child wrecks your
nerves when you do it to him. That's revenge. He cries. He pesters you. He
breaks your things. He 'accidentally' spills his milk. And he wrecks the
possession on purpose about which he is so often cautioned. Why? Because he is
fighting for his own self-determinism, his own right to own and make his weight
felt on his environment. This 'possession' is another channel by which he can be
controlled. So he has to fight the possession and the controller."
The above fact is also true with adults. It may explain why some people get
upset with you.
For example, Bob the Boss hires Fred to clean his office. Bob gives very
specific instructions on how he wants the job done. Each morning, Fred must
stand while Bob inspects the work. Bob says, "I was watching how you hold your
mop. Both hands should be under the handle, not one on top. The cleanser you
used in the bathroom smells like chlorine. I want it to smell like flowers.
Also, the tread on your shoes might leave black marks so wear white shoes
tomorrow."
Every morning is like this. Bob never really gives the job to Fred. One day,
Fred writes "I QUIT" in black marker on the bathroom mirror. Bob the Boss says,
"You just can't get good help these days."
Another example would be a friend loans you some money for a car, but then
insists you buy a certain car, tries to control how you drive the car and so on.
Some parents try to control an adult child's career. For example, the parent
says, "I'll pay for your college education if you become a doctor." The parent
is then enraged when the son or daughter quits college to hitchhike across
Europe or become a professional surfer.
When you give a job, an idea, a gift, money or a life to someone, you must let
them control it. Child or adult, nobody wants strings attached.
*Dianetics: From the Greek dia (through) and noos (soul), thus "through the
soul." Dianetics counseling finds incidents in the past to explain personal
problems in the present. Based on the NY Times best-selling book,
Dianetics: The Modern
Science of Mental Health.
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