How to
Make a Fresh Start
Nothing can ruin your success faster than personal conflicts. Upsets between
business partners or battles between bosses and staff ruin productivity, reduce
income and build up stress.
Bad marriages can also ruin your success. You show up for work in a bad mood and
dislike everything and everyone around you.
Bad relationships at work can even hurt your marriage. You come home in a bad
mood and take it out on your spouse.
Most people have good intentions most of the time. They want to get along, do
their work and succeed. Yet personal upsets can make good people into monsters.
Office politics, backstabbing, covert and overt attacks, jealousy, rumors and
revenge are the result of personal conflicts. No matter which side you are on in
a personal conflict, they are major blocks to your success.
Relationship problems are often caused by a bad start.
How
Do You Deal with Personal Conflicts?
Let's say you finally got a promotion at work. You have five staff who now
answer to you. Four of them are supportive and friendly. Yet with the fifth
person, Allen, there is a problem.
Allen is not cheerful around you. He jokes and smiles around the other staff,
but frowns and gets serious when you show up. He never looks you in the eye. He
avoids you whenever possible.
One day, a customer complains about Allen. After you make the customer happy,
you call Allen into your office. You say, "So why did you mess up with that
customer?"
Allen sneers and says, "He's just a jerk. You shouldn't believe customers like
him. Can I get back to work now?"
Do you . . .
Let Allen leave your office and pretend there is no problem?
Get angry at him and chew him out?
Plead with him to be nice to you?
Demand he tell you what is wrong?
The real problem here is no work relationship exists yet. You have not formed a
working relationship. You need to apply the Non-Existence Formula.
"The Non-Existence Formula is:
"1. Find a comm [communication] line.
"2. Make yourself known.
"3. Discover what is needed or wanted.
"4. Do, produce and/or present it." - L. Ron Hubbard
Since you already have the communication line as Allen is sitting in front of
you, you do steps 2 and 3.
You say, "Allen, before we deal with this customer, I'd like to get our
relationship off to a good start. As you know, I'm now in charge here and you
are working for me. What do you need and want from me as your boss?"
Allen looks startled. "What do you mean?"
"I want to know the best way to work with you. I also want to tell you what I
need and want from you, but let's start with what you need and want from me,
okay?"
Allen shrugs and says, "Okay. I like to know what is going on. For example,
nobody told me you were taking over."
You say, "Oh really! That's not okay! As your new boss, I'll be happy to tell
you what's going on. I have no secrets. What else do you need and want from me?"
Allen relaxes and says, "I like to handle customers myself. If customers
complain, I'd like a shot at handling them before you step in. No one lets me do
this."
You say, "No problem."
Allen starts to look interested. "I want to go to lunch at 12:30 instead of
noon. I want a better chair. I need someone to listen to my new ideas of how we
can make more sales." All of this is fine with you.
You say, "Now let me tell you what I need and want from you. I need a daily
update on what you are doing. I want you to see me if you aren't sure what to
do. I want you to beat your own sales records. I also want you to be friendly to
me. Can you do these things?"
Allen's eyes sparkle as he says, "No problem!" He smiles, sticks out his hand
and you shake on it.
You and Allen then discuss the customer complaint and find there is no problem
now. Allen gets back to work and tells a coworker, "No one from management has
ever asked me what I want. We might have a good boss here!"
Ten
Great Uses of the Non-Existence Formula
1. You start a new job of any kind. You meet with everyone you will be working
with. You tell them your new position and follow the steps of the formula. You
are in control of your job faster than ever.
2. You are in a conflict with someone. You realize neither of you are doing what
the other needs and wants. You arrange a meeting (comm line) and do the next two
steps. "Joe, as your assistant, I want to do a perfect job. Can we go over
specifically what you need and want from me?"
With a coworker you say, "Jill, we're stuck with each other. I think we should
work things out so we get along. What do you need and want from me as your
coworker?" "Can I tell you want I need and want from you?"
If this approach does not work, the person may be anti-social. See the "Your
Greatest Source of Stress and Trouble" articles at www.tipsforsuccess.org.
3. You want to be hired for the perfect job. During the job interview you ask.
"If you hire me, what will you need and want from me?" Since no one else has
asked, the boss is a little startled by the question, but really enjoys
answering it. You explain how you can deliver these needs and wants and a bit
more. You get the job on the spot.
4. You want to rent a building space, house or apartment and are competing
against several other applicants. When turning in your application, you ask the
landlord, "If you select me as your tenant, what will you need and want from me
as my landlord?" The landlord thinks it over and tells you her needs and wants.
No one has ever asked her and she's delighted someone cares. You assure her you
can deliver. You are selected above all other applicants.
5. You want your boss to sell you a partnership in his company. You say, "I
think you have a great operation here. If you were going to sell a partnership,
what might you need and want from a partner?" The boss starts to think about it
and mentions a few things. You start to do things he would need from a partner.
After a while, he makes you an offer to become a partner.
6. You're dating someone and want take your relationship to the next level. You
find out what this person needs and wants from a mate. You decide if you can do
those things or not. If so, you start showing you can deliver. He or she feels a
strong attraction to you and wants to take the relationship to the next level.
You make it clear to this person what you need and want from the relationship.
You observe if he or she can do those things for you. If not, you break it off.
If he or she can deliver, you go for it!
7. Your marriage is not going well. You ask your spouse, "I want us to have a
really good relationship. I think we need a fresh start. Do you agree?" If so,
you ask "What do you need and want from me as your spouse?"
8. Your child is starting in a new school. You visit the school and ask the
teacher, "What do you need or want from me?" "What do you need and want from my
child?"
9. You are constantly looking for the needs and wants of your customers. For
example, a superior cab driver not only finds out the passenger's destination,
he asks, "Are you comfortable? Would you like to see today's local newspaper?
Can I tell you anything about our city?"
An electronics store surveys its customers every month to find out what they
want to buy. An orthodontist asks each new patient for his or her needs and
wants. A computer programmer constantly asks users what they need from their
computers.
Any successful business finds current data on its clients or customer's needs
and wants.
10. You want to form a great relationship with the new leaders of your group.
You say, "Hi. I'll be working under you as the ______ and want to know what you
need and want from me." You find you get the best treatment from the new leader.
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TIPS FOR SUCCESS: A Powerful Study Technique. A Powerful Success Technique. Are You A Professional? Are You Introverted? Avoidance VS Confronting. Being Too Serious Can Drive You Crazy. Benefits Of Being Unreasonable. Best Revenge. Courage. Distractions. Do Fears Block Your Success? Do People Trust You? Everyone Is Important. Exchange. Fish Story. Five Tips For Handling Children. Flowing Power. Getting Organized. Gift Giving. Goal Setting. Goals and Happiness. Greater Service = Greater Pay. Hard Work. Honest Way To Get Rich. How Do People Treat You? How To Be A Great Person. How To Boost Your Personal Power. How To Boost Your Popularity. How To Break A Bad Habit. How To Build A Cash Reserve. How To Generate Power. How To Get Along With Your Spouse. How To Get Anything You Want. How To Handle Difficult People. How To Improve Your Standard Of Living. How To Kill The Green Eyed Monster. How To Make A Fresh Start. How To Make Great Decisions. How To Make Yourself Happier. How To Reduce Anxiety. How To Set Great Goals. How To Solve Money Problems. How To Spend Money To Make Money. How To Predict Your Future. How To Use Statistics To Boost Your Income. How You Control Your Financial Success. How You Ruin Your Productivity. Indecision And Inaction. Investment That Never Crashes. Jealousy. Moving Past Grief. Need For Speed. No Excuses Living. Operating With The Truth. Orderly Progress. Past, Present or Future. Personal Glory Is A Lousy Goal. Power Of Passion. Power Of Purpose. Road To Success Is In The Fast Lane. Secret Of Efficiency. Secret To A Great Marriage. Taking Control (Part 1). Taking Control (Part 2). Taking Control (Part 3). Taking Control (Part 4). Taking Control (Part 5). The Want Factor. To Win The Game Of Life, Lighten Up! Two Elements Of Success. Two Requirements Of Success. The Secret Of Acknowledgements. Two Rules That Make You Happy. War. What Should You Be? What To Do When You Feel Outraged. When In Doubt, Communicate. Who Is Your Best Friend. Whole World Stinks. Working Hard For Fun And Profits. You Get What You Reward. Your Biggest Source Of Trouble (Part 1). Your Biggest Source Of Trouble (Part 2). Your Biggest Source Of Trouble (Part 3). Your Biggest Source Of Trouble (Part 4). Your Most Valuable Asset. Your Personal Image. Your Potential. Your Powerful Imagination. Your Sources Of Success.
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